Dealing with tragedy and loss is not an easy process.
I hope that if you read these lines is only out of curiosity and you have never really felt the pain of losing someone.
Because losing someone you love is a very painful process.
But – there is a way to cope with such a tragedy. There is the right way and the wrong way.
The right way will bring you to acceptance and peace. The wrong way will bring you more grief and sorrow.
You might feel anger and disappointment.
You might try to deny the reality or sink into
I learned that lesson on my skin.
It All Happened So Fast…
My mother was a real fighter.
She fought for everything she had. Nothing came to her easily. After she and my dad got divorce, my mom fought to buy her house, fought to make sure her daughters have everything, fought to finish her study in university and fought for her freedom and happiness, because it never came to her easily.
She was a happy, beautiful and beloved by everyone who was around her.
54 years old woman who swallowed life without chowing, she took everything out of it and inspired so many people with her smile and energy.
In August 2009 my mother got sick.
That’s when she started a new fight. The fight for her life.
She believed, like me, that she will win this war also.
Only A few months ago, my mother got a very rare and devastating type of cancer called Small Cell Carcinoma.
This rare type of cancer comes without early warning and kills within a few months.
Her life and my family’s life completely changed.
Hospitals, difficult treatments, heartbreaking examinations results, pain, nausea, severe emotional crises, hair loss and more are the things I dealt with on a daily basis.
I left behind my dear husband, my house, university and my job, to be able to be here and help my mother and my family in the war against death.
She fought with everything that left from her…
She always said – “I will win this war! I love life and I have my family to live for and I will fight with everything I have.”
And she did. She kept smiling as long as she could…
I erased my existence and was next to her 24/7, seeing her dying slowly and painfully, keep believing that she is going to survive this, being strong for her and for everyone around.
But unfortunately, life is what happens to us while we are busy making other plans…
And one day, after she suffered too much at her last 2 weeks, she left me. Left us.
Left this world.
I broke to pieces. I felt that a huge black hole opened under my feet and I fell down without stopping.
My life fell apart at that point.
I couldn’t understand how could that happen. How could such a beautiful strong person gets sick with no reason and dies slowly to suck a terrible disease...
How Did I Deal With The Loss And The Pain
I was devastated.
I was not one piece anymore, but broken to million pieces.
cried a lot, talking to her and trying to answer the endless questions I had in my brain.
It went on this way for about a month and a half, until I made up my mind –
I am not letting the sadness and grief take over me!
So I started making moves.
I forced myself to accept the loss.
I believe my mom didn’t really leave. She is always here with me. Watching me and taking care of me from distance.
Sometimes I can feel her presence around me, on a different level from reality.
And I know one thing for sure – she would want me to be happy and successful more than anything.
And that’s the goal.
I put in front of me a mission – rebuilding my life.
Climbing up from the black hole with my head up and go towards my dreams.
I realized that sinking down won’t get me anywhere. So I started collecting the pieces, raise myself up and put my feet back onto my life’s path.
My mom is dancing with her father… 2006
I did a lot of thinking and figured out the steps that took me to go through my nightmare:
Three Main Intersections You Need To Go Through In Order To Move On
1. Accept –
Yes, it’s hard and painful. But you have to accept your loss. Understand that the one that you love is gone and won’t return.
Without that step, you won’t be able to move on.
2. Grief –
Cry, take the pain off your chest. Accepting your loss won’t be an easy process. The pain might stay with you for a long long time.
So don’t keep it inside. Take the time for yourself.
Think a lot about the person you lost. Remember your special moments together, go through his photos, his belongings or letters.
take your time to say goodbye. Don’t sink into negative aspects of dealing with it, like drugs or drinking. That will not take you anywhere.
Just take the load and the sorrow out of your body, as long as you need for it.
3. Moving Forward –
Grief might take you a while, but don’t sink too long into it.
Pick up the pieces, piece after piece and bounce back into reality.
The world is moving on and life goes on.
So get back on your feet.
You can’t change the circumstances, so leave the past behind, raise your head and look at the horizon, where the future is waiting for you to come and grab it with two hands.
Life is too short for wasting it on sadness and grief.
Take with you the memories and lessons from the past and look forward to the future.
That’s what I did.
And it is the only way.
In a memory to my beautiful mother, Yaffit Navarro, who left us for a better place on January 4th, 2010.